|This contact form should in no way be used for soliciting purposes and conducting business either offering items for sale or requesting items to be sold that would circumvent submitting an order in a seller's store.|
|Message from StormChaser: One of ten things will happen when you contact me:
(A) I will carefully consider your message for about 30 to 45 minutes. Then I will send a message in Morse code by carrier pigeon to a carefully-concealed associate in Santiago. This person or persons will then call a meeting of the Committee and reach a decision on how best to respond. I will be notified of their decision via a small classified ad in a certain newspaper and then I will get back to you. This entire process could take as long as 36 hours.
(B) I will read your message carefully and apply equidistant letter sequencing to the text to see if you are trying to send me a coded message for help. If no coded messages appear, then I will read the text backwards to see if anything seems strange. If all is well, then I will generate a fitting answer to your message and reply. This entire process could take as long as two hours.
(C) I will use a marker to cross out all the vowels in your message and then see if it makes sense. If it still makes sense, then I will reply immediately. This entire process could take as long as three minutes.
(D) I will set your message to music and record the song. It will likely be a folk song, considering that Dylan won a Nobel for his songwriting and I see no reason why I should not also win a Nobel. You will not be credited with writing the song, so be aware of that now. When the recording is complete, I will reply to your message. This entire process may take as long as three years.
(E) I will handwrite your message on a silken cloth using a quill pen and place it into an earthen jar for 1,000 years. After that time, I will extract the message and consider it anew in light of the wisdom I have gained in the intervening time. Then I will reply. This entire process may take 1,000+ years.
(F) I will greatly delay your message by including a distracting list of things which curiosity will compel you to read before you even send the message. Don't worry, though - next time you'll skim right past this section and get to the work of typing out what you came here to say.|