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|Message from StormChaser: One of ten things will happen when you contact me:
(A) I will carefully consider your message for about 30 to 45 minutes. Then I will send a message in Morse code by carrier pigeon to a carefully-concealed associate in Santiago. This person or persons will then call a meeting of the Committee and reach a decision on how best to respond. I will be notified of their decision via a small classified ad in a certain newspaper and then I will get back to you. This entire process could take as long as 36 hours.
(B) I will read your message carefully and apply equidistant letter sequencing to the text to see if you are trying to send me a coded message for help. If no coded messages appear, then I will read the text backwards to see if anything seems strange. If all is well, then I will generate a fitting answer to your message and reply. This entire process could take as long as two hours.
(C) I will use a marker to cross out all the vowels in your message and then see if it makes sense. If it still makes sense, then I will reply immediately. This entire process could take as long as three minutes.
(D) I will set your message to music and record the song. It will likely be a folk song, considering that Dylan won a Nobel for his songwriting and I see no reason why I should not also win a Nobel. You will not be credited with writing the song, so be aware of that now. When the recording is complete, I will reply to your message. This entire process may take as long as three years.
(E) I will handwrite your message on a silken cloth using a quill pen and place it into an earthen jar for 1,000 years. After that time, I will extract the message and consider it anew in light of the wisdom I have gained in the intervening time. Then I will reply. This entire process may take 1,000+ years.
(F) I will greatly delay your message by including a distracting list of things which curiosity will compel you to read before you even send the message. Don't worry, though - next time you'll skim right past this section and get to the work of typing out what you came here to say.|